Wear it Wednesday | Accepting my Body Shape

In truth, I can't figure out if I'm pear shaped, apple shaped, rectangular...It just doesn't make sense to me.  All I know is what fits me best and what I feel presentable in.

I think I have gone up a size each year for the last five years. I'm not huge, I wear an XL but I'm not happy with it.

I have to fight body shaming, feeling shamed because of my shape and size.

I have to fight to find grace for myself.

A balance of staying unsatisfied enough to make me want to change, but enough of a satisfaction with myself so that I don't hate myself of the shape that I am.

I have, after all, carried three babies. Each of them strong, healthy and growing well. Each delivery without medication (a little pat on the back to my body for the good work).

I have to find the grace to extend to myself that our circumstances are not like other people's, their stories are not the same as ours, different circumstances in my life have contributed to the weight that I have and the shape of my body.

And also, a struggle. A struggle of the heart, the mind and the soul.

In all truth, I struggle with gluttony. I think I have B.E.D. but I have not been formally diagnosed.

I have just recently recognized this struggle in myself. I guess it was slowly happening over time, but came to the solid conclusion of it recently.

I have shame about my body but I can't bring myself to change my eating. I am constantly eating more than my husband (who has an incredibly healthy appetite) and I hoard the food that I like. I have even gotten incredibly upset when something is finished that I was imagining eating all day.

Yes. I imagine food all day. It has become a god in my heart and it breaks me. I hate that I have allowed my heart to fill with this ugliness.

The more I recognized this disorder in my heart, the more I catch how often I think of food and how hard it is to let go.

To truly love my body and my body image I will have to let this go. To make myself as healthy as possible (physically as well as spiritually) I am going to have to do something to pull myself out of this disorder, this pattern and stronghold.

Andrew and I just began the Whole30 this month and I am looking forward to developing healthier habits through that. I am thankful to have him along on the journey with me.

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

My focus can't be on me, it can't be on my stomach, my physical appearance. It must be on the God who made and loves me. He wants better for me than this icky sickness. He wants more for me than a full stomach.

I want to trust that I am good regardless of how I look and in the midst of accepting myself, I need to be better for myself. I need to eat better and have a better focus.

That was a really raw and honest Wear it Wednesday, but I hope that it might have encouraged you to love yourself and how you look as well. Because that's what Jesus wants.

When He made you, He looked at you and saw that you were good.

You are good.

Because He made you.

You. Are. Good.

Happy Wednesday, Friends!!! Now go and see what Shelby has to say about herself! <3


  1. Proud of you for getting in the fight and your growth in grace. Also, getting God's perspective, which is your heart. I love your heart and your desire to overcome the strongholds and shine the light of Jesus. By His power you overcome and then testify of His power. Praying for you sweetie!
    Love you.

  2. Thanks mom! <3

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