When you see a pregnant woman...

Photo by Leandro Cesar Santana on Unsplash
 A bit of light humor, today, for my pregnant friends...or those that have been pregnant and can relate!

As I was working on my story about Lincoln's birth, I decided I wanted to do something funny with all of the simple statements/questions that are innocent, but so annoying at the end of pregnancy.

So, here you go:

When you see a pregnant woman...


please don't say "I bet you are so ready to be done, huh?" 

- it's ok to just assume that at the end, yes - we are ready to be done. 

Instead, offer a way to help, or offer to buy a massage.

please stop asking, "When are you due?"

- if you think we are close, just don't ask. 

You could ask instead, if there's anything you can do for when or after the baby comes. Chances are, just by asking that, you will be told when Baby is expected.

please stop saying, "You're still pregnant?"

- because yes. Yes, we are still pregnant, and yes, we are VERY aware of it. Tiresomely aware. Sometimes PAINFULLY aware. You will make us cry - if not in front of you, after you leave. 

Instead, ask us about plans for after the baby, or ask if you can help after the baby. OR, set up a DATE to help us after the baby is expected to arrive.



please don't say, "Oh wow! You must be miserable and warm and ready to have your baby."

- if it's obvious, we are aware. And it hurts to hear the obvious about how miserable we are. While we are thankful for pregnancy, and we are excited for what comes after, in the meantime, we are tired, our bodies are not our own, and we already clearly know how it looks.

Instead, if you are a stranger, you can ask how it is going, or greet us with something like, "I hope it stays cool for you!" Or offer us a ticket to a pool, or a credit for our electric bill so we can crank the AC even cooler.

please stop saying, "Wow you're getting big!"

- yes. yes, we are. and the fact that you've just pointed that out PROBABLY will make us go home sobbing uncontrollably and dive into a whole quart of Ben and Jerry because as this point, there's not only NO hiding how big we are, there's NO going back, either.

Instead, offer to purchase our favorite treat for us, or tell us how good pregnancy looks on us.

please, don't ever, ever, ever again say, "Are you sure there's not two in there?"

- because, while you think this is funny - you're probably at least the 15th person that has said that to us in the last 2 hours of being out. Especially if we are on baby 2+, there's a good chance that we already feel GIANT, and we are only a month or so along. Please don't add to that with your insensitive joke.

Instead, offer us a gift card for coffee, a gift card for diapers, or just greet us with how well pregnancy suits us.

please don't even consider saying, "Man, your ankles...they are pretty nonexistent these days."

- just no.

You don't even deserve a solution. Just don't.


please stop telling us what we are having.

- old wive's tales don't work. You can't tell. We will leave it up to the ultrasound if we are finding out.

Instead, ask if we need anything for the first of this gender, or if there is anything you can get for us.

please think before you post on our Facebook page asking if we had the baby yet.

- if you haven't seen anything, we haven't had the baby yet.

Instead, begin a social media chain of praying for us, or beginning a meal train for when the baby does come.

please, absolutely don't ask, "Are you pregnant again?"

- if you don't know us personally, and are aware that we recently had a baby. Baby weight is difficult enough to get off for some of us, and our body images do not need any more negativity cast on them because you are being rude.

Instead, please offer something helpful like making a healthy meal for us, or to go on a walk with us - without making it sound like you are concerned for our weight.

please don't point out to us, "You'll miss this someday."

- maybe we will, maybe we won't, not everyone does. But at least let us deal with today instead of heaping the weight of the next 20 years on us in the midst of just getting past the emotional mess we're already feeling.

Instead, offer to purchase photo credit so we can print pictures of this time, or offer to pay for a photo session so we can savor this time if we do miss it.

please don't say, "You're glowing!"

- we know you just mean you see us sweating.

In all honesty, I like when people said this to me. You could offer other compliments too like:

"you are ROCKING those maternity leggings!" 

"A maxi dress has never looked better on anyone, ever!" 

"How in the world do you look so cute all the time when you're pregnant?!"



please don't ask, "Have you had the baby yet???"

- just look. or if you are on social media, scroll. It'll be easy to tell if we had the baby yet. And, if we did have the baby already and you haven't seen anything, chances are high that something devastating happened and we don't want to announce it anyways. Be considerate.

Instead, ask us what you can be shopping for our baby for. Ask us what our plans are for when baby comes, things like: are your other kids excited? do you have the nursery all ready? do you have enough meals prepped and coming? etc.

please don't ask, "don't you know how this happens?"

- please refer to the above response to "are you sure there's not two in there?"

Instead, offer times to babysit, or begin a meal chain for us. If you think we have so many that we forgot how it happens, chances are high we have minimal time for food prep.

puhlllllleeeaaaaaaaaaase don't ask, "So are you dilated yet?"

- have you had your colon checked yet? Seriously?! Why would you ask this?! It's bad enough that we are going to have to open up our lady parts to everyone and their brother to begin with, why would you think this is an appropriate question to ask (yes, this goes for mother in laws too!!!)...

Instead, you could ask if you could go on a walk with us, or if you could watch our kids for the next check up.



please, absolutely don't tell us, "You should lay off the coke/soda."

- we understand how large we already are. You don't need to rub it in.

Instead, offer to purchase our groceries for us.

please stop exclaiming, "WOW! You've really dropped!"

- yes, this happens at the end of pregnancy, but no, we don't want to talk about how far down our cervix our baby has traveled.

I've got nothing for you to replace this with. Just stop doing it.

I hope most of this didn't come off too snarky, and if it did, that the solutions made up for it. There's always a better thing to say, if we think through how our words will sound to someone. Many of these are innocent, and we understand that, but no matter who it is, or who we talk to, whether stranger or close friend/family, everyone tends to say the same things. 

Get creative with your comments and questions. Think about how you felt, and how questions/comments made you feel on your last days of pregnancy.

And above all else: avoid the above phrases and questions!

Sincerely,

all pregnant women ever.


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