Adding Number Four to Our Family

Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

The days were AGONIZING - long, tiresome, swealteringly hot. It was only mid June and I was getting minimal sleep at night, waking with night sweats, waking with Elliot (our number 3), or waking for some other pregnant lady reason.

I've been antsy with all of them, I hang on right to the end, almost always on the ultrasound due date.

This one was different though.

Although I always have easy pregnancies, my labor and deliveries are not as easy and I just wanted this one over with. I wanted to have our baby in my arms, I wanted the pain and agony over with, and I wanted the timing to be perfect (or, as I saw perfect to be).

With three other boys at home, still unpacking, preparing for a new baby, balancing a blog, and doing design - I was EXHAUSTED. To top that off, my brother and sister in law were in the THICK of updating and renovating their house so weekends when I usually get a break bled into the weeks to make the days even longer.

I was frustrated that I couldn't do more to be helping them; frustrated that if I picked up something mildly heavy, my back would hurt for days to come.

My hope was that Lincoln would come popping out on a Thursday so that we would be able to have Andrew at home with us for an extended weekend before he would have to go back into work. I was also hoping that he would come along, in time for Jenny's week to not have been wasted since she took the days off to stay with us thinking he'd come along sooner than the due date.

There were so many factors that I saw that would make the timing that I had in mind perfect.

I prayed desperately (sometimes in tears) that he would COME OUT.

I waited expectantly for God to come through on my timing and watched for my water to break.

It never did fit MY timing.

We skipped church on Sunday because I felt ab-so-lute-ly HORRIBLE. I didn't want to deal with the emotion of people asking things like, "you haven't had that baby yet?!"

"When's that baby going to come?"

"Aren't you like, way overdue?"

"How are you feeling?" (yes, this question is annoying at the end - I feel like crap, and I'm STILL pregnant.)

It all just felt like too much - I just wanted to be DONE.

We went to Andrew's sister's graduation party in the afternoon and I was still feeling uncomfortable. In the back of my mind, I knew.

Andrew, Jenny, and I began a puzzle about the time we tucked the kids into bed for the night and we stayed up until 12 a.m. to finish it.

Right about that time, I began having the most painful contractions I've ever had before my water broke.

The strange thing was that they were very regularly spaced.

I didn't say anything to Andrew or Jenny and after we finished the puzzle, we all headed to bed. I laid down and began dozing off until a contraction would come.

It began in the front and moved around my abdomen to my back in a BURNING pain that I had only experienced once before. During Parker's labor and delivery.

I tried several things that the doctors recommend before coming in: a bath, a shower, walking around, drinking water, etc.

The contractions were still regular. I was getting to be a bit nervous that I was in labor and my mom would miss things, so I called her and she headed on her way.

In the meantime, I called the hospital and the nurse on staff asked several questions that I answered as best as I could.

This whole labor was seeming totally unfamiliar to me...

We got into the hospital around 3 a.m.; I had called ahead of time and they set up the birthing tub for me. I sent a text to Jenny (who was sleeping upstairs) to let her know where we were - although I'm sure she would have guessed. We aren't they type of people that leave the house in the wee hours of the night normally.

My contractions had been at consistent intervals and were progressing like all of the books say they should which I had never experienced before!

When we made it to the hospital, I tried all of the things to labor but the only thing that made me "comfortable" was standing up and bending over the end of the bed, leaning on my elbows.

I got to a point where I couldn't labor in the tub any longer, for fear that I would drown myself. I was exhausted to the point of feeling near passing out. I was also getting dizzy and light headed because of my breathing.

Progression felt like it took FOREVER and I never did feel my water break.

After HOURS of laboring, we asked for my progress to be checked. One of the nurses checked and said that I was at a 6. I about died.

Not long after though, my doctor came back in and said that I was at a nine, so something was either confused, or just in that short amount of time my body kicked it into high gear.

I was so tired of waiting and dealing with the pain, I asked for an epidural, still unsure I wanted it, but SURE that I wanted the pain to end. They called the epidural people up and got me hooked to the IV. By the time everything was ready with the epidural, I asked if I could push and my doctor said yes. I never did get the pain meds.

Enter the WORST delivery pain that I have felt to date. As far as I can remember, none of the others were so hard, or so painful as this one was.

He was sunny-side up, just like our number 2 was, which is what caused all of the back pain.

Pushing was the most difficult thing I have ever endured.

My entire body was ready to collapse and the pain kept coming in WAVE after WAVE after WAVE - I didn't think I could handle any more of it. I didn't think I'd even be able to push him out, I was so tired.

My doctor would tell me to push and I didn't think I was even doing anything, my body and my mind were so weary of working for so long and so hard with no rest since the day before.

I kept hearing "tomorrow's freedom is today's surrender" running through my mind.

I heard my mom quietly praying over me and Lincoln and my doctor and nurses.

I felt Andrew's hand, where ever I needed it (which was ONLY in my own hand). Or running through my hair which was relaxing and comforting.

And I had courage.

The whispers, the love, the encouragement - all were so important to my successful delivery.


There was one point where my doctor thought that perhaps my water had broken before and she did an amnioinfusion which is basically where they put in a catheter and fill my uterus with a safe fluid to help take some stress off of the umbilical chord. The rushing water was actually comforting, as uncomfortable as it was to have a catheter in, the fluid felt nice in the midst of things.

They kept a fetal monitor on me, they suspected the chord around Lincoln's neck, and I wore an oxygen mask which helped me focus on my breathing.

After much pain, exhaustion and pushing, he finally arrived.

Just a teeny-weeny little bug at 6 pounds, 9 ounces, we left the hospital at 6 pounds 5 ounces and he was only 17 inches long.

He was borderline jaundice, so he was a little extra work in the beginning. Between the two of us being completely exhausted, he wanted to sleep his entire second day - I couldn't get him to wake for ANYTHING. I ended up having to pump and feed him from a syringe. 

It wasn't devastating, but I definitely had negative emotions about it about myself. And in the end, he ended up beating the jaundice just fine!


We celebrated three months with him yesterday. He is the most joyful, happy little soul that there ever was! He is the best addition we could have made to our family (as is any baby).


He is the most chipper baby and he loves to talk to people. His brothers are so in love with him. Bennett actually has a possessive thing about Lincoln and asks to hold him any time someone else has him.


Best - Decision - EVER. If you'd like to read about the decision, you can head here and read a little more about the beginning of the Lincoln journey.


  1. Thanks for sharing your story. My hubby and I are just starting the process of trying for a baby! So we're a long way off this stage yet, but it's still a great reminder for me that all things happen in God's timing even though I get impatient.

    1. I'm glad it encouraged you! Best wishes on your journey. It's an exciting time!!!

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