That time that we had a roommate

When Andrew and I first got married things were hard. I know that most marriages begin with struggles, it's tough to merge two single lives into one. ours was no exception.

Two weeks before we married, Andrew lost his job. We had purchased a house the June before and he lived there over the summer. We married and I was still working full time and he was home with no job. We needed something to help support us.

A friend of his (very nomadic at the time) was looking for a new place to stay. He had some issue with his current roommates and he needed to move asap. His circumstances were a little unusual also because of his USAF career where he would be deploying shortly after moving. A few months tops he said.

Everyone warned us not to allow a roommate in so shortly after being married.

We bucked that of course and ignored the wise counsel...

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
    but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:15

We were young, we were foolish and we allowed him to move in.

And it was hard. So hard. Friends, let me tell you, if we were considering someone moving in now, we would think so differently about listening to the wisdom (of our parents mostly) given us.

It is a blessing to be surrounded by wise, God-fearing people and if you are facing something today that you need some insight for, LISTEN to the counsel being given to you. It is so invaluable.

Besides wounding our marriage and stifling the growth of our relationship, it ended up having effects on my friendships as well.

I remember sitting in her living room one day and I was sharing my struggle with having him live with us. Her response to my hurting heart? "Well MY husband NEVER would have let that happen. If it did, I would have kicked him out so fast!"

The response was wrong and it so deeply wounded my already hurting heart. I forgive my friend but it has stuck with me right up to this day.

What my friend didn't know though is this: I was submitting to my husband's leadership, I was trying to honor and uplift him by allowing him to lead and direct our family and we both felt that it would be best to have the income. I wasn't kicking him out because he was my husband's friend and he was making a sacrifice for our country and we wanted to not only support him but minister to him.

We were newly married, we didn't know how things worked, we didn't know how things were supposed to be. It seemed like the best choice for us at the time.

Eventually I had to kick him out. My husband was doing lots of traveling with the military and our roommate was disrespecting a few simple rules that we had in place for him so I packed him up and moved him out.

In the end, my doing that saved my husband's relationship with his friend and we got our family back. He lived with us for over a year and we sacrificed a lot because we ignored our wise counsel.

There are three things that I hope you take away from this story:

  1. Newly-weds, don't allow a roommate - cherish your alone time together!

  2. Friends, speak graciously to one another and instead of judging, put yourself in their place, what would you want to hear when you are hurting?

  3. MOST IMPORTANT: Listen to wise counsel. It's worth it, I promise!

Enjoy today friends, soon it will be tomorrow.


  1. When we are young we think we know it all and don't want other people telling us what to do. I think it would be harder for a friend to be a roommate because there are emotions involved if things don't go well. With a stranger, it would be easier to be all business. Good message!

  2. It's so true, Carrie! :)

  3. Great read! I have only had one experience with a roommate, and like so many other stories, it did not end well. Thank you for the post!

  4. Good advice! My husband and I briefly considered having a friend move in while I was pregnant, but decided the stress of having a roommate and the stress of having. New baby wouldn't mix well! I'm glad you were eventually able to reclaim your space!


  5. Thanks Kumiko! Roommates are really tough! Thanks for reading! :)

  6. It's so tough, especially if you want to help a friend and your own finances...I'm glad you guys ended up treasuring your personal space before your baby came! :)

  7. Yes, the wisdom of other people who care about us is worth listening to. My husband and I decided to rent an upstairs/downstairs "duplex" with another couple when we were first married. People warned us against it but we had to find out for ourselves the hard way. It was a difficult situation. It was a learning experience, just as your experience sounds like it was.
    Thank you for linking with Grace and Truth last week.

  8. […] Ate dinner like normal. Fell asleep on the couch while Andrew and our roommate played Halo. […]