and the trouble therein...This might seem like a strange post to be beginning my new home with. And really, I'm not a hateful person. But Facebook...Oh Facebook...
With your seeds of discontentment and comparison.
I struggle. Deeply struggle to keep a right heart, grateful thoughts and an upward focus when I peruse all of the highlights of people's lives.
If I hate Facebook so much and struggle so deeply with it, why have a profile then? Simply get off of Facebook, no big deal.
You're right, that would be easier. It is easier.
In truth, I haven't had Facebook for over three years. And it was easy. It was relieving and freeing but I didn't learn anything from it. I just strengthened my avoidance and running skills. Easy Peasy.
But being on the Women's Ministry team at our church and their only website being the Facebook page, I felt that I had to open an account in order to best serve the ladies of the church and that's great!
I have been excited to get the friend requests from the people from church, I am excited to connect with them on a more "personal" level. (Does anyone else feel very sad that the "personal" level of this day and age is electronic?)
Also, side-note, my husband and I are officially married now. Because it's not official until it's Facebook official, right?!
Anyways. Things have been easy until I run into people that I have history with and then I begin to wonder, is it worth opening up these wounds, these opportunities for being wounded or comparing by accepting this friend request?
Therein is my dilemma.
There are certain people that I have not been able to bring myself to accepting simple because I don't know. I don't know if I want that in my life anymore. I don't know if I want to have 205 friend that really are not my friends and are not adding anything to my life in any way but painfully.
As I have sat and contemplated closing my account again this morning I realized something: I will not learn anything by avoiding the problem at hand. My heart issues. I can't hash things out with Jesus if I don't allow myself to feel anything by avoiding Facebook.
So I am choosing. I am choosing to stay, to fight the battle, to win, to force my face upward to the heavens because I know that's where my heart should be, not in pain here on the ground because of someone else's highlights that have nothing to do with me, my story, my life.
What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8
And this is what I will remember. This is where I will keep my focus. Knowing that everything is loss, everyone's joy here on earth is not measured by the joy that we will know with Christ.
I have a hard time with our "first world problems" knowing that people from the places that are not considered first world see so much more pain than we will ever know here in the US.
I know the pain of losing a house and the pain of being homeless for a time. It is nothing though to the pain of the loss of your home being destroyed or TAKEN from you. I had time to process, to find the next best thing. And the pain of being homeless? My pain was NOTHING compared to having to scavenge for a place to sleep. We had parents to bunk with, people to open their homes with a little extra space.
My pain next to the pain that these people feel is like nothing. I want a faith that isn't afraid to hurt. A faith that isn't afraid when things go wrong or I don't get what I want.
I want a faith like Paul's. One that counts everything loss if it doesn't direct him closer into the arms of his loving Heavenly Father and friend in Jesus.
I love him and I want my heart to be satisfied simply because of him. I want him to be where my heart is. Wherever he is, there my heart shall be also.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34
Where is your heart, your focus today? Whose story are you living - your's or the highlights of someone else's?
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This is so good! I struggle with this DAILY. Everyone else is moving on, moving up, walking through new doors with new horizons, and here I sit. Just trying to survive day to day right now. So hard. I love this post! Thank you for being brave enough to post it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm glad to know that you were encouraged by this! <3 It's so hard to go about day to day and only see highlights. It's so easy to forget that behind all of the highlights is someone else's own story. Their own circumstances and struggles. Know that you're not alone and you can take heart that even in your waiting seasons Jesus is moving and doing something, it's just a matter of our human vision. We can only see so much while Jesus can see all the way around.
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