Friends for Different Seasons

One of my most favorite verses in high school was "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

I struggled with friends all of my growing up life. I have been created to crave community and I simply thrive when I am surrounded by people that I love.

I always wanted that one friend that you share everything with, the one that you double date with, share clothes with, plan a wedding with, plan babies with. The friend that can finish your sentences, the one that never forgets your birthday and surprises you with something super meaningful to your friendship.

I never got all of this from one friend. As my blog title says, my life has been a series of accidental nomadic moves and my friends have been the same way.

From my first memories of friendship I had two girls that were super close. We were all home schooled, we all had brothers around the same ages and our moms were close friends. One of us moved, I was put into public school and the third continued to home school. My interests changed, our time changed and we all grew apart. New people entered our lives and turned into new friendships.

When I was first put into public school (4th grade) I made friends quickly. I remember floating around from group to group because I got along with everyone. Some days I remember playing with my cousin and his friends on the playground, we were convincing people that we were twins. (We had pretty similar features. Strong family resemblance.)

We moved into middle school and the friend groups change and cliched up more than in 5th grade and I remember being so torn. I had a couple of really close friends that ended up hanging out with this "cool" group of girls and they never invited me in. I was always welcome but they didn't invite me.

So I "joined" a different group that did invite me in. We were tight all through middle school. There was 5 of us with a couple of other girls that came in and out from time to time. But even with a steady group of friends I still floated as one does when your classes are all mixed with people.

Things happen during the year and friendships change.

I don't remember what changed but I remember going into high school without that same group of friends. Or else I just wasn't as close with that same group.

During high school I never focused very much on developing my girl-friend relationships. I was busy searching for my husband. I had two boyfriends in high school that consumed most of my time and energy.

Eventually I had, on three separate occasions, three different girl-friends that I finally found that sister-like relationship that I have always craved. The problem was that all three girls were toxic to me in their own ways.

I am not unfamiliar with loneliness, in fact I have felt lonely for most of my life. If I didn't ever feel lonely though, I never, ever would have come to a place of understanding the fulfillment of a relationship with Jesus. He has kept me needing him more than anything else.

I finally began realizing how the friends that I have, the ones that I have kept in touch with are the friends that complete a puzzle in my heart.

I have my mom/wife friend, the one that we can do motherhood and marriage together.

I have my single friend, the one that inspires me to follow my Jesus and create passionately.

I have my wanderlust friend, the one that chases her dreams and adventures and I love to share that with her.

I have my mother of three friend, the one that can relate to all of the mom issues of having three kids.

I have my single friend, the one that I grew up with (because we grew close again after we got out of school) and that loves my kids like their auntie.

I have my college friend, the one that I have taken under my wing as a little sister and that I just love.

I have my high school friend, the one that I have history with and we shared parts in each other's weddings.

They all fill a piece (or two) of the friendship puzzle of my heart. 

If just one of them were to fill my heart on their own I would have been sure to make them idols in my life and I would have missed out on the richness of relying on Jesus to be my always friend. I have not fulfilled my end of the friendship very faithfully but He has. He always does.

I still long for the friend that can be the Monica to my Rachel but I trust that it's actually better for me not to have just one of her. I need the whole cast of Friends in order to keep my heart entwined and focused on Jesus over my friendships.

1 comment

  1. I have one consistent friend that I have known since 2nd grade, we have been thorough so much and didn't talk for several years in high school after I moved. We found each other again in college and she has literally grown up with me. I have also had many friends for a "season" each with their own blessings for the time we had together. I'm thankful for our friendship too!