Have you ever noticed that you read a Bible story, or passage and something catches your attention and then all of the sudden, you find that you are struggling with that exact thing?!
Maybe you don't notice right away, but in the end you're like, "Oh. Man. I JUST acted like that!!!"
I finished last week out looking at Job and his rant to his friends that turned into a rant to God about how bitter and beaten down he was. While those things are true, Job's attitude had turned from a heart of humble submission and trusting, to a heart bitter, angry, and sorrowful.
I caught myself acting like this last week.
I was tired. I was exhausted (yes, another word for tired, but that's how tired I was), yelling at my kids, overwhelmed with the amount of work I had, overwhelmed with the amount of housework I was behind on, etc...I just didn't want to go on any more.
And then the bomb was dropped.
Although, my heart was completely prepared for the news - it had been in process since the beginning of the year when I wanted to begin sorting and organizing and getting rid of things...My brain was no where in the right place for it.
We'd be moving again.
The chances of us getting a mortgage for the place are slim to none, so we wouldn't be buying it. The walls of the home had been slowly closing in on me as the year progressed and as I have been growing ever larger... We just knew.
We knew that we would be moving on.
And while I knew that the time was right, the next transition, the next step - and all of the ways that God has provided for us in the past, in exactly the right time, I was panicked.
I don't keep a clean house, how am I supposed to have the place ready for visitors, that I don't know, on a whim? How was I going to ensure that everything would be in its right place and be pretty enough to leave a good taste in the mouth of the people viewing it?
The list kept growing in my mind. My embarrassment and shame about my housekeeping skills and that of my husband began to overtake me and I could feel the rest of the emotions rising.
But my mind kept going back to Job and how bitter he was becoming in his monologue in chapters 6 and 7. I know that I have nothing to be bitter about. I have nothing to mourn over. For the last two years I have been reminded that through our struggles, God has gifted us with the knowledge and the security that this place (meaning earth) is not our home. It doesn't matter where we go.
There will be a new home for us.
to be continued...
Oh, friend, I'm sorry to hear you've been stressed about this move and all the upheaval it brings with it. I'm praying for you guys in this time of transition! <3
ReplyDeletePraying for peace in this transition time. How wonderful to know that God is in control and has a home prepared for each of us both now and eternally.
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