5 Tough Questions About Friends & A Few Answers To Think About

Friendship is an interesting beast. You can either be completely built up and complimented by friendship or totally destroyed and broken down by it. I have definitely felt my share of each type as I'm sure you have too.

Today I'm going to touch on 5 more questions about friendship from my time at ACV. If you missed the first couple of posts you can find the first one, When Friends Won't Listen, here; and the second one, How to Deal with Hurt From Friends, here.

Today I have another tough set of questions to go through:

1. How much time should you spend with friends?

This is an interesting question...I don't have a specific answer because it definitely depends on the friendship, the person, and the parent's rules (if you are still under 18).

An easy way to gauge if you're spending too much time is to step back and look at your priorities...Is your friend cutting your time away from your family (meal times, Saturday time, Sunday time, etc...)? Is your friend cutting your time away from your schoolwork (are you getting behind, forgetting assignments, loosing sleep because you're trying to catch up on reading, etc...)? Is your friend taking your time away from Jesus (missing church time, missing quiet time at night, missing morning quiet time, etc...)?

If the answer is no to all of these questions, I would say you probably have a healthy balance of time that you are spending with all the right priorities. PLUS, I would say it's probably a very beneficial friendship to have because your friend sees what's important to you and respects that.

If you answered yes to any of them, it is possible there may be too much time being spent with this friend, ESPECIALLY if you answered yes to your friend cutting into your time with Jesus. In that case, I would caution you to re-evaluate your friendship with that person. No one should be allowed to take your time away from Jesus and if they are, you really need to consider if they are enhancing your life or damaging it...

2. When I disagree with my friends, I don't want to argue, but...what do you do instead of argue?

Great question. For me personally, it always helps me to take some time away. Instead of responding right away, give yourself some time to process, maybe write the friend a note (without the intention of giving it to them) so you can get your thoughts out and sorted before responding to them. Perhaps it's really nothing to argue about at all and if it is just a difference of opinion, it probably doesn't need to be addressed at all.

Take time, pray about it, process it, and then come back to it.

3. How can relationships be bad?

This is a big question. I'll try to break it down as simply as I can with a few simple questions to determine whether a relationship is bad or not...here's a little quiz to help you evaluate:

Is my relationship bad

Is the relationship enhancing your relationship with Jesus?

Does the relationship make you feel...

Does your friend get along with your family?

Is your friend respectful of your time?

Does your friendship feel well balanced?

If you answered Yes to all of the questions, your relationship is a good relationship. Praise Jesus that you have such a caring and respectful friend - they are truly a gift for you!!!

Now, while we can't expect our relationships to be perfectly balanced like this, we can expect our Christian friends to fulfill some of these, some of the time. When they don't, then we need to re-evaluate how we are responding - making sure that we are treating them with a servant's heart. This is not to say that anything you did caused them to treat you less than Jesus would, it just gives us a stronger push to treat them MORE as Jesus would.

If you answered any of the bottom answers, your friendship needs to be evaluated or maybe you need to evaluate how you are looking at the friendship. It sounds like this friendship is unhealthy and either needs to be cut off, or you need to look at it as a ministry instead of friendship.

4. Why is it bad to have a friend the opposite gender?

Well, it's not. It's not bad at all. In fact, a majority of my friends were male while I was growing up. I found girl friendships to be very difficult and most of the time hurtful so I gravitated to spending time with the boys.

While that's ok in balance, when it becomes wrong to have a friend of the opposite gender is when you are spending too much time together and you are perhaps crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed; or, when rumors begin circulating about what you may or may not be doing.

The Bible says, "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet." Matthew 5:13

If there are rumors being spread about you, you maybe need to rethink what you are doing and where. Make sure that when you hang out with the opposite gender, you are never alone. That includes dating. The enemy works in the dark, and if there is no one around to help hold you accountable, it is easier to fall into the trap of temptation, or for your light to be sullied by false accusations with no one to back you up.

A great way to be friends with the opposite gender is to always have a group. We have a group of 8 friends, boys and girls and for the most part, the only time we hang out is all together. Guys and girls. Growing up, we had an open door policy at home. When we had friends over, especially opposite gender friends, we were NEVER to close our door. It helps keep us accountable (and scared to be caught) when you have that kind of rule to follow.

Using common sense in relationships is key in boy/girl or girl/girl friendships. If your friendship is honoring Jesus and staying pure outwardly and inwardly, there is absolutely NO harm in being friends with opposite genders!

5. I'm scared to start a relationship with someone who doesn't love the Lord.

Good.

I'm glad this scares you. It is such a tough thing to begin a relationship, friend or romantic, with someone that hasn't been saved. It's easy to begin, more difficult to end.

The Bible says this: "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

My mom always said, "you can be a friend TO them, but not WITH them." I have grown to greatly appreciate and understand what that really meant as I have grown and matured. It's one of the best pieces of friendship advice that I have ever received.

It's ok to be a friend to them, to minister to them, pray for them, serve them, invite them to church. It's not ok to get close to them, to hang out with them more than you should, or to consider them your best friend, because in the end, chances of having to cut off the friendship all together will be inevitable.

Stay cautious of relationships with unbelievers but be willing to serve them and pray for them.

I hope these helped you with how you view your friendships and who you are friends with. I have one more set of questions to answer next week and that will conclude this little mini series.

Thanks for hanging around, friend!