Remembering My Very First Heartbreak

And how it still haunts me today...Proverbs (4:23) says, "above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Have you ever stopped to ponder this for a moment?

The NIV says it this way, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Everything you do flows from it...

Are you one to easily give your heart away?

I am. I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve as the saying goes. I love easily and quickly. It's not a bad thing, as followers of Jesus we are called to love one another.

But how does that coincide with guarding our hearts if we are to love?

My first honest-to-goodness heart break happened when I was 15.

Last week I talked about my camp experience, how it changed me and how the people impacted my life. My first heartbreak came from one of those people at camp.

I had given a piece of my heart to a boy named Josh, but as a 15 year old, really didn't recognize it at the time.

I hadn't realized how I had wrapped my heart around him.

Still to this day though things trigger memories of him. I'm not broken about him anymore, obviously I have since healed and moved on. I am so happy with my husband, I just thought it might be fun to reminisce a little and learn something from my first true heartbreak.

Yes, Josh was part of the group that I jumped off of the wagon with.

Yes, Josh was the main one that I got in trouble because of, not his fault - he was simply  the object of my attention.

I remember going home from camp that year and besides the hurt of the disciplining, the other thing that I remember is how different the boys were at camp. How they pulled the chairs out for the girls, how they held doors opened, how they looked us in the eye and listened to what we had to say. How we were able to connect on a level other than just the objects of affection. And they were fun. They were different and I liked it.

I made a special connection with Josh at camp. Whatever that might have been, I don't remember. I just remember really enjoying his company, the special attention that he gave me and how easy he was to talk to.

We stayed in touch after camp by letters until one day in July. The last letter that he would ever write to me came.

He had written me in response to my recent letter. He told me how his mom thought it wouldn't be a good idea for our relationship to continue. And that's all that I remember. I didn't hear from him after that.

We didn't have Facebook or social media back then (man that makes me feel so old...) and there were no cell phones to letter writing was the only way that we kept in touch.

He didn't go back to CYIA the next summer and I have heard nothing of him since.

But during that time, I really thought that he was the one that I would end up marrying. I wrapped my heart around him and began prematurely planning a future with him that was not to come.

I didn't realize it, but I wasn't guarding my heart. I was giving it away. My first real heart-break. It wasn't a dramatic story, there was no weeping involved. It was a sweet friendship and then it ended. Out of the blue, without my consent. It was done.

I respected his space and his mom's opinions and didn't write to him again after if I am remembering correctly. But memories lingered. We loved Kutless together and any time that I listen to one of their older albums I think of him and the summer that we spent as friends and how he introduced me to the love of Christ through a young man.

Sometimes heartbreak is a necessary pain of pruning. We can always learn from heartbreak if we keep a right perspective. This is not to dismiss people's heartbreaks because I know that some are much deeper than others and not all heartbreak is as easy to recover from as a summer lovin...But no matter what heartbreak it is, you can learn with the right perspective.

I had unknowingly begun a pattern for myself that would be hard to break - I opened my heart up freely to guys that would not improve my life. I would have 3 more heartbreaks after Josh before fully recovering my whole heart....

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